D3 body, D1 cock
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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