The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
