I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
