Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
