I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
even my farts smell like vagina
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
