I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
