is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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