New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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