me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
