I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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