She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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