your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
