i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
