you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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