No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
