So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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