I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
