We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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