...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
