So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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