Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
