Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
