Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
