My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
