Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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