She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
