He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
