Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
