4 words: hood of his car
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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