he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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