omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
