I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
