wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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