I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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