therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
