My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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