sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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