i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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