I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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