I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
