like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
