the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
