This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
