know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
