He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
