Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
