you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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