Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
