this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
