My brain says no but my pants say off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
