Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
