1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
