my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
