Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
