Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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