i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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