i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You left your phone here
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